kau bila lagi??

this was a cliche moment when people asking you when will u get married at the wedding day of your families or your friends..the only sentences that pop up from my mouth was..wait for 5 years time, then i'll get married.

im not rude.im not saying that i never thought about this matter..but i have no plan at all..apprently, my life is still not stable yet..pufftt!!i have to work hard to earn money, then i have to save it all..i have to push up to the unlimit efforts to be in their shoes..give me time.give me space.

ok.lets move on step by step.stage by stage.then we'll see how..im a normal girl with a normal life with an extraordinary goal..let's see how far it can goes..

hey,im not sad.im just wondering how many weddings i'll have to attend and how many times the question will be asked.huhu!=p

ask MYSELF?

what exactly do I want in my life?
for me, I want my happy family to be together,always, for eternity.
I want my friends to be happy and we'll stick together for good and for bad.
opsss!!
that were typical thoughts I had when people ask me directly.

but for reality, what do I want in my life is..my life. i want it to be AWESOME.I want my own house, my successful career and even luxury stuff. I want everything to be peaceful according to my plan.full of love and happiness. and I have all ALLAH forgiveness for all my sins that I keep doing it even if I know its wrong..totally..

the reality sucks right???!lets get back to the story script!

bubbling.blup.blup!

EEEP 2009

each of word that is spoken in Malay, AJ will charge us 10 cent. was it helping me out to speak in English always rather than Malay. well,i don't know.Maybe not. Because whenever AJ is not around, i will speak in Malay because one quality that i don't have is discipline. I know that I really wanted to join this program because I want to speak English. but I wasted it.YA..I know..I need to improve more on my skill of effective communication. OWH HOW I LOVE TO SPEAK!

I have been living here about 4 weeks and I knew deep inside of my heart, I had some improvement. Now, I have guts to speak and even guts to make mistake so that I can learn fast. I learned a lot. and thank you to my beloved friend zaid, he is the reason I'm here. Thank you to people that understand my needs. I love this program. EEEP. I'm glad because we are the first batch of this program.

Since, I realize that the time fly very fast and I will miss all this..I have to get back to my old post. I even don't submit the script because of I have lots of task here.BOS must be mad by now.SAVE ME YA ALLAH!=p

In a nutshell, no matter how much I will miss this all..,for now, I have to leave..I must...

random feeling

im here..far away from family, my beloved friends and my sayang..
but somehow,here. i felt something different..i should have knew that i need time for myself.

no work,no presure.im not running away from my problem..i just need a space..i miss them..but i can't go back now..i have to let myself enjoying my zero-pressure moment.this is my random feeling.if people asked me what i want right now..i want a big blueberry cheesse cake...i want to kick ppl's butt!!JUST FOR FUN!!hehe!=p

glad

my life getting more challenging since i decided to change.
my heart hurts.my scars are bleeding.there are no butterflies in my stomach but a little dragon blew his fire.i will hate myself if i losing control of myself.

somehow, i know that im different than before.i can see the changing...im GLAD.

no self-destruction..because i love myself.

jumaat ke-empat

hari ini adalah hari jumaat ke empat aku berhijrah daripada gadis gila memakai seluar pendek, dengan gaya rambut mengikut fesyen..kadang2 seperti mangsa fesyen..gadis nakal yang kadangkala tidak pernah memikirkan akibat sesuatu perbuatan dan perkataannya..gadis bebas berlari, merangkak, berjalan dan memanjat segala yang difikirkan boleh..hidup dengan istilah aku boleh buat semua..tiada had..tiada siapa mampu menghalang..

selama ini aku berjalan dalam gelap..bau2 gelap ini mengkhayalkan..menghiburkan jiwa..namun tatkala aku nampak cahaya di hujung jalan sana..aku tahu arah aku sekarang..mana harus aku tuju..namun sekali sekala aku terjatuh dan terpijak lopak air..kerana..jalan masih gelap..aku tidak mahu berlari..aku takut jatuh dan tak mampu bangun lagi..aku rela merangkak...waktu itu, aku tunduk,melutut dan mengangkat tangan berdoa..agar Allah berikan aku sedikit cahaya..

walau dalam kegelapan..bayang gadis itu masih bayangku..aku perlu buang ia...tak mungkin senang kerana ia bayang aku selama ini..tak mungkin susah kerana aku sudah tekad..yang penting usaha..

masa menjadi ukuran..peluang menjadi token.ketaatan menjadi kewajiban. doa menjadi cahaya buat aku.

kisah hidup

terus terang aku katakan..tatkala aku menaip mesej ini..tanganku menggigil...aku tidak pasti puncanya..namun aku tahu..aku sudah bersedia..aku terima perubahan baik ini..kerana aku tidak mahu kehilangan kasih sayang Allah..cinta daripada Allah..

aku dapat rasakan..segala petunjuk yang diberikan sudah jelas kelihatan di mata dan hati. jika aku menafikan segalanya..lambut laun, ia akan ditutupi bayang hitam yang menggelapkan seluruh pandangan juga hati..waktu itu,mungkin aku sudah tidak mampu membezakan antara perkara baik dan buruk.

cabaran wujud dari segala bentuk.bukan beban, namun tanggungjawab tersedia tatkala aku menerima perubahan baik ini.aku akui, sudah banyak kali aku bermonolog..berfikir dan mengkaji...namun aku nekad.segala kekuatan aku satukan dan sokongan tidak berbelah bahagi daripada keluarga dan teman memimpin aku..

aku kini bersedia..aku terima perubahan ini.semoga ALLAH memberikan hidayah dan membantuku..aku sayangkan Kau Ya ALLAH..